Episode 3

“Life is like a salami!” - Dr Tünde Erdös

Published on: 1st November, 2022

Hello guys!

Enjoy 1 hour of deep knowledge of how to stay present in the situation, and the circumstances where You are.

Dr Tünde Erdös ICF Master Certified Coach (kind of Black belt in coaching), Martin Lindeskog, nestor in podcasting, and I – we are inviting you to share a moment with us.

Prepare yourself with some coffee or tea. Have some pen and paper ready by your side. Give yourself space for thinking, relaxing, writing and enjoy your findings!

Please let us know what your take is from this episode. We would really appreciate that!

Connect with us in the easiest way for You!

Show notes with links to articles, blog posts, products and services:

The episode (63 minutes) was recorded at 1230 Central European Time, on October 26, 2022, with Ringr app.. Martin did the editing and post-production with the podcast maker, Alitu. The transcript is generated by Alitu.

Transcript
Carin:

Hello everyone and very much welcome to my podcast in Swedish Victim predicted by

Carin:

Carring Coach, which is about what really matters.

Carin:

And now you're or maybe surprised because I usually speak Swedish in this podcast.

Carin:

But today, dear listeners, I have a wonderful guest and to be safe, I always have my

Carin:

wonderful Nestor in podcasting with me.

Carin:

Are you there, Martin?

Martin:

Yes, I'm here.

Martin:

I'm ready for coaching Swaypoint Zero and hot

Martin:

talking 2.0 session.

Carin:

Our wonderful guest has already presented herself with a big laughter and we

Carin:

have a big honor to have wonderful Tinder address on our podcast.

Carin:

Welcome, tinder.

Tünde:

Please. Thank you guys.

Tünde:

It was such a surprise because you really

Tünde:

opened my eyes.

Tünde:

You should have seen my eyes opening when I

Tünde:

was hearing Martin saying it in German.

Tünde:

So beautiful.

Tünde:

Thank you so much.

Tünde:

You couldn't have chosen a better moment to

Tünde:

wake up to this moment.

Tünde:

Hey, you're arrived in there, you're here,

Tünde:

you're alive now.

Martin:

You're welcome.

Carin:

Actually, we have been speaking a little bit in the green room so called, where

Carin:

we gather and gear up everything and are connecting our computers because we are in a

Carin:

kind of a tea party, right, Martin? Yes, we are separate.

Carin:

So where are you situated, Martin?

Martin:

I'm in Gotenburg, Sweden.

Carin:

Yes. And I'm in Sweden as well.

Carin:

And where are you today?

Tünde:

Well, I'm not in Boston.

Tünde:

Okay.

Tünde:

I'm not at the Boston Tea Party.

Tünde:

So if people might think of Tea Party, of the

Tünde:

Boston Tea Party when there was a tea wasted.

Tünde:

We are not wasted.

Tünde:

Yes, we are enjoying tea here rather than wasting here.

Carin:

Yes, we are.

Carin:

And.

Tünde:

I only picked up the Tea.

Carin:

Party thing because Martin is really interested in tea and he has been writing

Carin:

books about tea and he's really an expert.

Carin:

But that is beyond the podcast thing and maybe

Carin:

you can say some words about that later on, but I'm still in this to let you tell us where

Carin:

are you in the world?

Tünde:

It's interesting that I'm meaning to avoid answering that question.

Tünde:

No, I'm just kidding.

Tünde:

How I came to Boston.

Tünde:

No, I am based in Austria.

Tünde:

Actually, it's very difficult to answer that

Tünde:

question because physically I am in a forest some 30 km outside of Vienna.

Tünde:

But with my heart I am actually connected right now to a tree that I'm looking at.

Tünde:

It's a beautiful like some very, very large like 150 years old.

Tünde:

A huge beautiful standing alone.

Tünde:

And when you ask me where I am speaking from

Tünde:

is I am speaking from that connection with that tree right now.

Carin:

That is really making me shiver because I've seen that tree and I know the feeling

Carin:

around it and the soul that it is resonating out with a big range.

Carin:

And I can really imagine how you are connected together there with that specific tree, tinder

Carin:

and I have seen it on film.

Carin:

When you are going up to that tree, what kind

Carin:

of film is that.

Tünde:

You'Re bringing up something.

Tünde:

So it's a documentary that I started creating

Tünde:

in three parts in order to enable a social impact project which is about providing coach

Tünde:

training to women in Kenya in a collaborative effort with an organization called Mama

Tünde:

Organization.

Tünde:

The goal being to make the women in Kenya

Tünde:

supported by Mama to make them more entrepreneurial because Kenya is still a

Tünde:

highly patriarchal system and the women like it's very interesting that we're talking about

Tünde:

the tree here because I feel that I'm having a lot of space here.

Tünde:

And not just space, but also spaciousness, which means that I have liberties, I have

Tünde:

freedom to act, I can do and go about things that I love doing while those women don't.

Tünde:

And probably this is also why I am standing and I have chosen to stand here in connection

Tünde:

with the tree because all these women down there also deserve a space for themselves and

Tünde:

spaciousness in their lives to make the real impact that they are capable to make held by

Tünde:

coaching, held by a capacity to coach themselves.

Tünde:

Because coaching has a real true power of empowerment.

Tünde:

So the documentary that I created is to collect donations so that we can make it

Tünde:

possible for the women to receive coach training, as it's also important for me that

Tünde:

we pay the coaches who will come down to Kenya a fair fee and not expect people to come and

Tünde:

do stuff free of charge.

Tünde:

So we need donations through the documentary

Tünde:

to enable the social impact in Kenya for the women.

Tünde:

Thank you for asking.

Carin:

That is wonderful.

Carin:

And have you got all this, Martin?

Martin:

A little bit, a little glimpse and that's topic, you could say the future of

Martin:

podcasting and coaching.

Martin:

I see directly opportunities with something

Martin:

called the Value for Value Model and new technology like blockchain technology and

Martin:

Bitcoin or parts of Bitcoin called Satoshi, how you could send directly in support by if

Martin:

you tune and others participate in this project asking about it.

Martin:

And then you could give according to what you have the possibility to do and what you think

Martin:

is worth.

Martin:

And that adds up.

Martin:

So I see opportunities.

Martin:

I'm interested and as you said, there's a tea.

Martin:

I'm interested because in Kenya, lots of good tea.

Martin:

Also the plantation there.

Martin:

And if you could get that rolling in a

Martin:

positive way, division of labor, every individual is important.

Martin:

So I'm interested to learn more about that.

Martin:

Podcasting is a good thing to do.

Martin:

That because you could add and include show notes and links to the project and you then

Martin:

could continue the conversation and ask questions and spread the good word.

Martin:

Recently it was a big podcasting conference in Africa.

Martin:

This is like a booming market for creating and listening and to take action.

Carin:

And to help each other further and be aware of what the little thing could add when

Carin:

you do it in a proper way.

Carin:

And I'm so interested in this and that.

Carin:

I said to you that your fantastic films that are the content that you could give a small

Carin:

amount of money to help this project get rolling.

Carin:

The film is by itself like an education for the society and for people, whoever you are,

Carin:

listener out there, or if you are a coach, to get more training in what is coaching all

Carin:

about.

Tünde:

Yes. What does it entail? Because you're bringing up a great point,

Tünde:

Karen, because we believe that coaching is about the coach and the client only.

Tünde:

And it's a me business sort of thing.

Tünde:

So I am the coach and I am delivering some

Tünde:

value to a client on an individual level.

Tünde:

But coaching has a power that goes far beyond

Tünde:

that scope.

Tünde:

And this is also how I met you when you got

Tünde:

actually, this is why I feel so fascinated to be surrounded by you and support whatever

Tünde:

wants to emerge in a collaboration with you.

Tünde:

Because I can see how deep you go when it

Tünde:

comes to learning.

Tünde:

And you don't just go deep, you go wide and

Tünde:

high and broad and there are dimensions to learning.

Carin:

Yes.

Tünde:

So what I'm saying is that when coaching is not just about the you and I, when

Tünde:

a coach and a client is sitting, the whole same principle applies to when we are learning

Tünde:

or leaders are learning.

Tünde:

There is a height to that, there is a breadth

Tünde:

to that, there is a wish to that, there is depth to that.

Tünde:

And this is something that when I met you, I understood about you, how you are

Tünde:

incorporating and integrating these dimensions.

Tünde:

And I think this is the future of learning.

Carin:

Thank you so much.

Carin:

Really, thank you so much.

Carin:

And dear listeners, we need to tell you a little bit how it was when I came to Vienna,

Carin:

outside Vienna where Tinder lived, because it was kind of the network thing again.

Carin:

And it was through a contact on LinkedIn that I was shown that, oh, there's something going

Carin:

on in Austria.

Carin:

Won't you come?

Carin:

That was how we met and I signed up for this and we get together.

Carin:

So I only would like to give you this background.

Carin:

And as we met, I was in contact with you before online, and you have written and made

Carin:

some fantastic studies and research.

Carin:

And please tell us a little bit about your

Carin:

book.

Tünde:

Which one? The last one?

Martin:

Not the last one, I hope, but.

Carin:

I've written three as well.

Carin:

But they are Swedish.

Carin:

Please.

Carin:

I know the one about presence and I'm thinking

Carin:

about the spheres, as you mentioned, that you realize that I'm really interested in these

Carin:

spheres of life.

Tünde:

Yes. So the book is about again, it's about expanding our understanding around what

Tünde:

presence is.

Tünde:

And the fascinating thing is that when I'm

Tünde:

talking about presence, it applies to both coaches and leaders.

Tünde:

So whatever people who are listening to us now and they are not in any way related to

Tünde:

coaching, but are more grounded in leadership.

Tünde:

So whatever you are hearing, guys, it also

Tünde:

will apply to you, because what is presence? Presence is not standing on a podium and using

Tünde:

tips and tricks to create visibility for yourself.

Tünde:

Presence comes from depth inside.

Tünde:

It comes from within.

Tünde:

And that depth from within can be calculated.

Tünde:

It's not calculated.

Tünde:

So it's very interesting that I'm having a fruity and slip here.

Tünde:

It's not calculated.

Tünde:

Yeah.

Tünde:

It must be cultivated in a very mindful way in how we are growing and building our awareness

Tünde:

around what is going on inside us.

Tünde:

The inner attention that we are cultivating,

Tünde:

the awareness around the inner mechanisms that we have, and also the outer attention.

Tünde:

So we have the two parts, the inner attention and the outer attention.

Tünde:

An awareness around how am I taking in the world, what is the level of realities that I'm

Tünde:

carrying in me? And that's what the book is talking about, how

Tünde:

complex that is.

Tünde:

And I will give you an example.

Tünde:

Sometimes when I am in webinars, I pull up an image, and that image shows a butterfly,

Tünde:

basically.

Tünde:

And then I asked the people, so what can you

Tünde:

see here? Do you see a bat or a butterfly?

Tünde:

And very fast people will react and say, well, that's a butterfly.

Tünde:

And I say to them, now guys, look more carefully.

Tünde:

Take another deeper look, because there is a bet on top of a butterfly.

Tünde:

And that's an example to show how we are not using actually our sensory capacities, of

Tünde:

which we have five, not just a seeing the example with the butterfly is only one

Tünde:

example.

Tünde:

If you are not really using and connected with

Tünde:

our five sensory capacities, we end up in wrong realities.

Tünde:

Because if I just only see the butterfly, I will be taken into perceptions that are wrong,

Tünde:

because my associations with a butterfly will not include a bat, but in that picture, there

Tünde:

was also a bat.

Tünde:

So I am excluding essential information that I

Tünde:

will need to understand the emotions that I have about that picture and consequently also

Tünde:

how I think about that picture.

Tünde:

Because if I only see a butterfly and not the

Tünde:

back on top of the butterfly, I will think about that picture differently and I will talk

Tünde:

about it also differently.

Tünde:

Now, why is that relevant for leaders?

Tünde:

Because if we are not able to be present to how we are using our five capacities, five

Tünde:

capacities as fully as possible, we are not able to lead fully effectively, and we will be

Tünde:

misled ourselves.

Tünde:

So the leader being misled because we are not

Tünde:

able to take decisions that reflect what is needed out there.

Carin:

Yes. And I'm very curious about what you would answer on.

Carin:

Why do you think it's like that?

Tünde:

Because we because being present and also ultimately making ourselves really

Tünde:

visible through our presence.

Tünde:

And I will speak about two aspects now.

Tünde:

Yeah.

Tünde:

So to answer your question is because we have

Tünde:

not learned and we can learn it.

Tünde:

So it's not a reproach to anyone.

Tünde:

I had to learn it myself how to pay attention to levels of spheres of presence that we have

Tünde:

not had the chance to learn.

Tünde:

Like we need to understand this inner

Tünde:

attention that I like calling the Ice fear and the book is talking about it and explaining to

Tünde:

what extent we are mistaken around our level of understanding about ourselves, the lack of

Tünde:

awareness that we have we are automatically unaware of things about ourselves.

Tünde:

Then we have the second sphere which is more the relational, the we sphere understanding

Tünde:

what do we need dynamically with each other.

Tünde:

Then there is also the context that we are not

Tünde:

fully aware of, not using the five senses to integrate context.

Tünde:

Like for example, I am here and the way that I'm looking at the tree is shaping the way I

Tünde:

feel energized to speak about something.

Tünde:

So context.

Tünde:

A specific context that we are in will always influence our level of presence.

Tünde:

How we are taking in realities and then of course we have the omnisphere something less

Tünde:

tangible that includes views like the philosophy of life what do I think.

Tünde:

What is a good life and a bad life.

Tünde:

For example.

Tünde:

Or cultural backgrounds that we take with us because it's part of our identity and how we

Tünde:

interact with each other.

Tünde:

So all these things when we are not paying

Tünde:

attention to these fears through the five senses.

Tünde:

What happens is that we cannot be visible because this visibility out there to inspire

Tünde:

other people to be seen.

Tünde:

To have an impact.

Tünde:

Can only come when we are really connected with reality and that connection will not

Tünde:

happen by learning presentation skills or what I have come to see as executive presence.

Tünde:

How do I stand on the podium? It is not going to make the trick now.

Carin:

Oh, that's wonderful to hear you and I'm thinking about the listeners and I'd like

Carin:

to repeat because it's so interesting content you give us here.

Carin:

So I'd like you to repeat the name of the book, please.

Carin:

Tinder, what's the name of the book?

Tünde:

Well, if I'm not mistaken, the book still is cold.

Tünde:

The name of the book is still a coaching presence and I have it.

Carin:

Here understanding the power of the Nonverbal relationship by syndrome.

Tünde:

Yes, understanding the power.

Tünde:

So what is important here is how much our

Tünde:

body, the nonverbal exactly how much power and hidden intelligence the body has and we are

Tünde:

not integrating it fully through the five senses to take in our realities, to be

Tünde:

visible, inspirational and create impact out there as leaders.

Carin:

Yes, yes.

Carin:

Oh, that's wonderful.

Carin:

I would like to have that last piece on repeat and listeners out there.

Carin:

I'd like to encourage you to listen to the podcast before which was in Swedish.

Carin:

That might be difficult for you, but maybe you can get something about the content.

Carin:

I have been blogging about it because it's also about how we treat our bodies and how we

Carin:

stay connected with the body, as Tinder says, and all the Five Senses, my podcast started

Carin:

with almost that part, martin and I I'm coming back to that one because I'm very interested

Carin:

in how we try and try and try to understand ourselves and the world around.

Carin:

And I would like you, dear Tinder, to repeat the spheres because some people out there

Carin:

might be very interested in what spheres is she's talking about and what is this, please?

Carin:

Once again, it's the Ice Fear and so on.

Tünde:

So it's the Ice Fear and basically it's about this level of awareness about all

Tünde:

mechanisms.

Tünde:

And those mechanisms can let me give you a

Tünde:

very specific example.

Tünde:

Like do you notice, for example, how what you

Tünde:

like, what you prefer doing? It's actually shaping how you are making

Tünde:

choices.

Tünde:

Like for example, when I say I like digital

Tünde:

work, I like working with my clients digitally or I like digital meetings because and I pull

Tünde:

out of my rooks like all sorts of stories about how comfortable and convenient that is.

Tünde:

In what way am I actually limiting my impact as a leader or as a coach through that very

Tünde:

like and preference? Just because I like or prefer something, it

Tünde:

doesn't mean that I'm really impactful.

Tünde:

It actually just means that I am literally

Tünde:

married with my comfort zone.

Carin:

Yes.

Tünde:

And so the Ice Fear is about sensitizing ourselves and basically that's

Tünde:

what we do in the training then is to learn because we are so mistaken about ourselves, we

Tünde:

notice so little while we are believing that we notice so much.

Carin:

Yes, exactly.

Carin:

We think that we are aware, but your research

Carin:

has shown that we are not.

Tünde:

No, we're not.

Carin:

We might come back to that because I soon want to Martin, to get into the context

Carin:

here, but let's step through the four spheres before Martin is coming on.

Tünde:

So the second sphere is the we sphere.

Tünde:

And I'll give you a practical example there as

Tünde:

well.

Tünde:

For example, when we are in a meeting and this

Tünde:

is a question to our audience, they can experiment with it.

Tünde:

So when you're sitting with people and you want the people to do something for you and

Tünde:

the people are not doing that stuff for you, what happens with you?

Tünde:

How do you interact? Will you react to what is being given to you

Tünde:

or do you spontaneously respond? And now that's the we fear of about to

Tünde:

understand the difference, to learn about the difference, that when we are reacting to

Tünde:

something, then we are coming from a place of defense because we need something different

Tünde:

and somebody's giving us an apple, but we need a pear.

Tünde:

And because we want that apple so badly, we can appear, we cannot just open the hands up

Tünde:

and say well, thank you very much for the peer.

Tünde:

So we cannot spontaneously respond because we have missed the opportunity to check in with

Tünde:

the body to understand where am I blocked right now?

Tünde:

Why don't I like receiving that pair that's being offered to me?

Tünde:

And that's why we end up in relationships and conflict a lot of times and leadership is

Tünde:

feeling incapacitated to have the people move ahead because there is no presence around.

Tünde:

Okay.

Tünde:

How do I need to learn to respond

Tünde:

spontaneously so that I can keep my people inspired.

Tünde:

So that I can be more visible.

Tünde:

So that people can say.

Tünde:

Oh. I see them.

Tünde:

So they can see me?

Tünde:

So that's the we sphere, the all sphere is about as a third sphere is about for example,

Tünde:

when we look at the screen and we are still working digitally, so we're not digital rule

Tünde:

with people, it's always important to also allow the context for what is the image that

Tünde:

I'm seeing behind the person? Is it a natural setting?

Tünde:

Is it an artificial setting? And to also allow pay attention to how that

Tünde:

context around me can deliver information about the person because it's part of that

Tünde:

person's reality.

Tünde:

And how can we sensitize ourselves to using

Tünde:

that information to better contextualize the person?

Tünde:

Because the better we can situate a person in their own context, the better our reality

Tünde:

about who is sitting visa v me to have dialogue.

Tünde:

So that's the context, the contextual elements of what we need to understand because it has

Tünde:

an impact on how we are present to somebody.

Tünde:

Do I exclude information from somebody's

Tünde:

context or my context? Or do I integrate it fully to create

Tünde:

visibility that I can see again and somebody else can see me in turn as well?

Tünde:

And then the only sphere, for instance and now I will tell you something very personal about

Tünde:

my life.

Tünde:

You know, I think I'm a woman.

Tünde:

I'm still a woman.

Tünde:

And I have a biological rhythm each month I

Tünde:

have my period.

Tünde:

And I know that the biological condition is

Tünde:

part of my existence.

Tünde:

We can make a stereotype and the cliche about

Tünde:

it or we can turn it into very insightful awareness and say, okay, I know that my body's

Tünde:

clock is ticking differently once per month.

Tünde:

And I know that that biological condition will

Tünde:

shape my sense of irritability, my sense of concentration, my sense, my level of

Tünde:

attention.

Tünde:

So if I can integrate that's what we call

Tünde:

omniscient, my biological conditions or my cultural identity or my philosophical views

Tünde:

about things, then I don't have to block myself out.

Tünde:

Because sometimes we block it out.

Tünde:

People say, well, let's not think about this,

Tünde:

let's suppress this.

Tünde:

It's not there.

Tünde:

Well, it is there.

Tünde:

My body is there.

Tünde:

My physical condition is there.

Tünde:

And it's not helpful to do as if it were not

Tünde:

there.

Tünde:

So that's the last fear.

Tünde:

The online sphere that also needs to be integrated into our presence so that we can be

Tünde:

really visible and impactful, feel energetic and vital.

Tünde:

And that's the vitality that creates our visibility out there, not our presentation

Tünde:

skills.

Carin:

Thank you so much.

Carin:

And these four layers, if we say so, or the

Carin:

circles or whatever you will call it, and how beautiful you have laid it out in the book, if

Carin:

you are able to make them integrated and vibrant and resonating with each other, what

Carin:

would you say that you are reaching out at that point?

Tünde:

Oh, well, we are.

Tünde:

And this is what we can see.

Tünde:

This is not my imagination.

Tünde:

This is what we could find, is that suddenly

Tünde:

people find limitless resources, they don't see a situation as a threat, but suddenly they

Tünde:

see opportunities because they are freed up.

Tünde:

They are not blocked, they can respond.

Tünde:

They can take that pair even though they wanted an apple.

Tünde:

We don't have time management issues anymore because through the limitless resources we are

Tünde:

capacitated to make wiser decisions, effective decisions.

Tünde:

And that's something very relevant for leadership these days, right.

Tünde:

When everybody is just overwhelmed and over committed and we don't know what to do with

Tünde:

the time.

Carin:

I love this part.

Carin:

I just wrote a blog post about time yesterday

Carin:

and I'm going to bring it up.

Carin:

I love this part.

Carin:

And please, Tinder, would you like to hear really?

Carin:

I'm asking you and Martin and Martin, it's your turn soon, so stay tuned.

Carin:

Would you like to hear what I can hear? What is possible to happen when you have these

Carin:

four layers connected?

Tünde:

Absolutely. Please.

Tünde:

Sure.

Carin:

I hear that this is the way and the path to reach the authentic self.

Tünde:

Yes. Would you like to say more about this?

Carin:

No, please take the ball.

Tünde:

The ball? Yes, I'm taking the ball.

Tünde:

Yes.

Carin:

Because you are sorry for interrupting.

Carin:

You are the one who had made the research on

Carin:

this.

Carin:

And I have made some research, but not as much

Carin:

as you have.

Carin:

Really.

Carin:

I want to hear more about your research on these things.

Carin:

So please tell us.

Tünde:

So when we speak about authenticity, this is also another misconceived idea.

Tünde:

Like the way presence is something misconceived by leadership.

Tünde:

Saddam out there on the stage and I'm speaking no, the same thing also with authenticity.

Tünde:

It's a misconceived idea.

Tünde:

It's hopelessly misunderstood because

Tünde:

sometimes people say, well, if I speak my mind, I always say how I'm feeling and what

Tünde:

I'm thinking.

Tünde:

That's my authentic self.

Tünde:

And we know that this is not this is actually unwise to do so, and not very present.

Tünde:

So what is it that we know that is authenticity and it's actually contained in

Tünde:

the word itself? Authenticity comes from the Greek word author.

Tünde:

Author.

Tünde:

An author is somebody who is writing each

Tünde:

chapter of his own book, which means that each chapter of his own life.

Tünde:

An author is taking the pen, knows which pen to take, which paper to use to write a book,

Tünde:

which letters, how to use to choose the words.

Tünde:

So how to author our own life.

Tünde:

That's authenticity.

Tünde:

Now, how to author our own life largely

Tünde:

depends on our presence.

Tünde:

So the one doesn't go without the other.

Tünde:

So authenticity is actually both an outcome and a condition of our visibility, presence,

Tünde:

inspiration, and our flow in life.

Tünde:

So if we are not authentic and really

Tünde:

authoring each chapter of our own life, or deciding let me put it also differently if we

Tünde:

are not connected with ourselves so that we know each moment of our life, like I'm sitting

Tünde:

here with you here, or standing rather here and having this conversation, it's a conscious

Tünde:

choice.

Tünde:

I know why it's valuable for me to sit here.

Tünde:

I know consciously why I choose to be here and not some other place.

Tünde:

So authoring one's own life means that we are attuned whatever we do in life is consistent

Tünde:

with our purpose.

Tünde:

And we are not just taking off our feet.

Tünde:

We don't get lost.

Tünde:

We are not confused.

Tünde:

We understand the two elements of time because there are two elements you brought up that

Tünde:

you're blogging about, time.

Tünde:

And I'm fascinated because time is something

Tünde:

that is also misunderstood.

Carin:

Yes.

Tünde:

Absolutely.

Tünde:

It's kind of like it goes back to the Greek

Tünde:

again, because the Greek people have two concepts for time.

Tünde:

The one is kronos and the other one is kairos.

Tünde:

Right.

Tünde:

And Kronos is something that we in the more Westernized world have learned to cope with.

Tünde:

Like what? How many tasks can I put in an hour?

Tünde:

Right? So we use time as a concept to work off

Tünde:

chores, tasks we find time to task orientation, goal setting, like do do, but

Tünde:

actually chiros.

Tünde:

The other concept of time is, hey, you have

Tünde:

time now.

Tünde:

It's the concept of perpetuity.

Tünde:

We are here now.

Tünde:

What is the space, what is the spaciousness,

Tünde:

what is the attention that you are giving to what is happening now?

Tünde:

And that's what we are not understanding, how important it is to learn the balance between

Tünde:

kronos and chairs.

Tünde:

So it's okay to run after tasks because we

Tünde:

have a lot of responsibility and many accountabilities, and we have a full agenda,

Tünde:

all good and bad.

Tünde:

But how much space and how much spaciousness

Tünde:

do we give the tasks? And how consistent are what we do each day

Tünde:

with what our purpose is, with our authenticity is?

Tünde:

How authentic, how much are we authoring our legacy?

Tünde:

For example, why am I here in the first place? My life is in Hungarian, we like saying that

Tünde:

life is a salami.

Carin:

That's nice to hear your voice, Martin, because I was really thank you, Tinder.

Carin:

It's like a song to hear you and so much going on.

Carin:

And I wonder, Martin, what's going on in your brain, in your system, and what's going on out

Carin:

there, listeners, and please, Martin, bring it on.

Carin:

What's going on on your behalf?

Martin:

Yeah, I'm here freedom of choice and freedom of expression.

Martin:

And I'm here in the moment and I'm doing introspection and thanks to for giving me

Martin:

material for at least free podcast productivity in Swedish.

Martin:

Like we are talking about getting things done but mainly focus on tea and be presence of the

Martin:

tea ritual and tea ceremony and take the senses in and test the tea and also with my

Martin:

cohost Kalinari Deniers presentation skill Q and A question and answers because we are

Martin:

talking about nonverbal language also and I said in a recent episode that I had a man code

Martin:

and we talked about that and then so that's different podcast there we could talk and also

Martin:

I know getting arguments why they should contact you like leaders.

Martin:

I studied organization leadership in America so I will contact the university there,

Martin:

Southern New Hampshire University and see if I have that literature.

Martin:

So that's the thing to think and also during the time I was thinking about how we could

Martin:

support and promote what you're doing in Kenya and there it's a company involved in his

Martin:

podcasting and also other things called Get Albe in Germany.

Martin:

But you could put you could say a small script on a website and then it will pop up like a

Martin:

lightning symbol and then you could send donations directly from your browser to the

Martin:

place that you're visiting.

Martin:

So that was what I was thinking.

Martin:

And then of course my favorite the ancient Greek and lysenia School of Aristotle's and

Martin:

doing introspection and walk to talk as we often say in business.

Martin:

So you're really doing that.

Martin:

So thanks for this presentation, this excerpt

Martin:

of your book and I'm very curious to read further along and also to continue to write my

Martin:

own book.

Martin:

So thanks for that.

Tünde:

Thank you for feeling inspired.

Carin:

So beautiful.

Carin:

And I'm really curious about you guys

Carin:

listening to us today and I have this feeling to be really authentic.

Carin:

I wonder if you were curious all the time in the beginning until we get kicked off and had

Carin:

the opportunity to listen to Tinder and her fantastic research and in her presentation she

Carin:

didn't mention about all her education.

Carin:

Please Tinder, tell us a little about what are

Carin:

you educated in and what are you working with?

Tünde:

So I am what am I educated in? Well, that's a good question.

Tünde:

Let me just start at the end because as I said earlier that life is a salami, right?

Tünde:

I'm coming towards the second half of the salami.

Tünde:

So I like saying that each day we are using one slice of the salami.

Tünde:

So I'm coming towards the second half of the salami, the end of the salami.

Tünde:

And when I look back how I lived my life and what was it filled with and what I have

Tünde:

learned and what I'm doing is I think what I am active in is I'm just fed up with power for

Tünde:

me.

Tünde:

And I know that earlier in my life I was

Tünde:

concentrated on this, what I said earlier today, me business and how can I get further.

Tünde:

And I and how can I and I and how can I secure my life and my family and eyes?

Tünde:

It's so much fed into my existential fears and the mindset of scarcity rather than a mindset

Tünde:

of abundance.

Tünde:

And I think that today I hope that this is the

Tünde:

way.

Tünde:

But I feel that it's more about how can we

Tünde:

also have fun? I mean, we already have competencies, we all

Tünde:

have our skills and our education and valuable, all that, but we are here to be

Tünde:

human beings.

Tünde:

Are we really tapping into our humanity and

Tünde:

really what, really tapping into the full potential of our humanity, of our existence

Tünde:

while creating and being professional and building and having impact?

Tünde:

Are we also having fun? Are we able to cultivate that inner child in

Tünde:

us that we used to be when we were two, three years old?

Tünde:

Can we connect with the laughter that the child was giving out when he or she was having

Tünde:

fun? We love children and we are seeing them and

Tünde:

how they are having joy and are free.

Tünde:

Are we cultivating still this ascense in us

Tünde:

that I like calling ascends this joyful ascense because that could actually energize

Tünde:

us to do what we are doing anyways with a lot more impact.

Tünde:

So that's what I'm doing right now is power away from me to power to other people.

Tünde:

And then everybody can read up about my career.

Tünde:

I have done a PhD in business and organizational management.

Tünde:

I have done two masters, one in simultaneous interpreting, the other one in executive

Tünde:

coaching.

Tünde:

And then I have done a masters, also in

Tünde:

coaching and consultation supervision.

Tünde:

So it doesn't matter because it really doesn't

Tünde:

matter.

Tünde:

What matters for me personally is how can I

Tünde:

pass on this learning? As you said today, what brought me into your

Tünde:

world, Karen, is the depth of what we are doing, the width of what we are doing, the

Tünde:

height of what we are doing, the richness.

Tünde:

How are we paying attention to the legacy that

Tünde:

we are leaving behind?

Carin:

Thank you.

Carin:

It's a joy to hear you.

Carin:

And I like to honor you with your exams and your studies and that is part of you, so it's

Carin:

a big part of you and the studies that make you able to have this view from the other side

Carin:

of the salami.

Carin:

Otherwise you wouldn't have the capacity to

Carin:

see all these things and to brighten up people's mind and to make it even, as you say,

Carin:

more fun, more sustainable, more narrow, more real, more action, more loose.

Carin:

All these things is what I'm thinking about what professional coaching can really bring to

Carin:

the table for leaders, for companies, for their employees.

Carin:

What do you say about this, Tinder and Martin? Can you see what I see?

Tünde:

I'm not sure if Martin would like to go first because I've had many monologues today

Tünde:

here.

Martin:

It's all good.

Martin:

I see the opportunities, especially with the

Martin:

podcasting 20 as I said and this value for value model.

Martin:

What you could do so you could say Call to action and continue the conversation is to

Martin:

download a new podcast app, for example, Fountain.

Martin:

And then we'll add Tinder here to the split.

Martin:

And then people can make clips of episode

Martin:

highlights and share it and spread the good word.

Martin:

So we'll probably come back to this area in this field and this topic.

Martin:

And I like the essence that you talked about and especially good stuff, good stuff in life,

Martin:

good life like salami and tea and other things.

Martin:

And be a grownup child, you could say.

Martin:

Also think about your ego.

Martin:

Ego is I am in Latin and understand it.

Martin:

And then again, that could be again, call to

Martin:

Action to reach out to you, Tinder and Carring called Korrin Coach and you will find a slogan

Martin:

for you.

Martin:

Also, Tinder, to reach out to you and hear how

Martin:

you could help in different ways or how I could help your self to read your book, to

Martin:

participate in this project, check out your resources and so on.

Martin:

That's what I'm thinking about.

Martin:

So we will continue a conversation.

Carin:

That's really nice to hear, because when you listen to a podcast, maybe you are

Carin:

out walking around and we are taking more time this podcast episode, because it's so lovely

Carin:

to have you here, Tinder, and to listen to your expertise.

Carin:

And I'm thinking of the possibility to be inspired and to see, wow, Tinder, she did it,

Carin:

I can do it.

Carin:

Martin did it, I can do it.

Carin:

Karen did it, I can do it and just go for it and see what happens.

Carin:

That's something I think is the easy way of how can we play together, how can we make it

Carin:

easier to get in contact with this wonderful energy?

Carin:

And that's why I have had this in the podcast this autumn.

Carin:

I've had this with a physical view and my customers view.

Carin:

And as I said in the beginning, today you will answer what you see.

Carin:

And I said that you saw something in the research about coaching.

Carin:

Before we are going to wrap this podcast episode up, I'd like you to answer what I see

Carin:

and also about the research, something about what you saw about the coaching thing.

Carin:

Would you like to do that?

Tünde:

Yes, very happy to do that.

Tünde:

And before I come to that, I'm happy to just

Tünde:

say one sentence around to answer the invitation, how what you said just resonated

Tünde:

with us.

Tünde:

And then Martin shared.

Tünde:

And you know what? When I'm taking a deep breath and I'm thinking

Tünde:

into my own body and what matters, because your podcast is also about what is real, what

Tünde:

matters, really? I was just thinking what matters to me right

Tünde:

now? We have spent 47 minutes together.

Tünde:

What is it that matters to me right now from we're talking about time and how we're dealing

Tünde:

with time.

Tünde:

And I thought we're talking about presence and

Tünde:

authoring and authenticity.

Tünde:

So what if I had to sum it up and the way you

Tünde:

were speaking and what resonates with me.

Tünde:

I am absolutely fascinated by how the both of

Tünde:

you were holding the space for me here today.

Tünde:

The 47 minutes to come up spontaneously with

Tünde:

whatever needed to come up and holding this space is actually and that brings me to

Tünde:

answering the question that you had last night.

Tünde:

Is that's what matters in coaching? How can we hold a space for someone that other

Tünde:

someone that is visa v us, for him or her to discover their true potential, to tap into

Tünde:

whatever is there, bring it out in a way that is inspired.

Tünde:

It's the real them.

Tünde:

It's their authentic self.

Tünde:

It's their power in the time that is given to appreciate, to appreciate with joy and

Tünde:

expansion and gratitude.

Tünde:

Because that's what I'm standing right now.

Tünde:

I think that if we what coaching has brought to me in my life is a deep sense of expansion,

Tünde:

self leadership, a lot of self leadership that pulls all the threats of presence,

Tünde:

authenticity, power, time management, relationship management, brings it all

Tünde:

together in a beautiful cobweb a carried by crowned actually by a deep sense of gratitude

Tünde:

to life to everybody who is surrounding me.

Tünde:

Even that tree in front of me is going to feel

Tünde:

so grateful that I can look at it and I can take in its fullness, you know, this power

Tünde:

because it seems that it inspires me the same way as you are inspiring me.

Tünde:

It's holding the space for me the same way as you are holding.

Tünde:

And I think this is what coaching has brought to my life, this self leadership that brings

Tünde:

that feels to happiness, simple happiness about everything that is happening to me right

Tünde:

now.

Tünde:

So thank you guys for holding the space so

Tünde:

beautifully for me to be able to bring up whatever needed to come up.

Tünde:

Because it was not orchestrated, right?

Carin:

No, it wasn't.

Carin:

And it's beautiful that you brought in the

Carin:

tree because I was going to ask you what the tree is telling you right now.

Tünde:

So there is space.

Tünde:

It's giving me spaciousness in that space.

Tünde:

And that's different because we all have space.

Tünde:

You can have small space or large space, but even in a small space, you can feel a lot of

Tünde:

spaciousness, which is a totally different thing.

Tünde:

So you can feel big even in a small room.

Tünde:

And that's what I'm feeling that this tree is

Tünde:

passing on to me right now, both space and spaciousness.

Tünde:

Because the tree doesn't have a lot of garden.

Tünde:

It has enough space, but not enough space for

Tünde:

the height and the bigness that it has.

Tünde:

So it's really taking its spaciousness.

Tünde:

And that's probably what I can pass on to people to encourage us to let's take up our

Tünde:

spaciousness, no matter how big or small the space is that we find ourselves in rather

Tünde:

seeing the limitation in that small space that we are in as leadership.

Tünde:

We sometimes say that, oh, I don't have the power, I don't have the means, I don't have

Tünde:

the support.

Tünde:

See that there is the support, see the

Tünde:

spaciousness in that small space, the limitations that you have because nature is

Tünde:

doing the same thing.

Carin:

Exactly. And I know that Martin, he wonders sometimes I have told my followers on

Carin:

Instagram, for instance, why I have had so many nature pictures and flowers and so on,

Carin:

and you just gave me the answer.

Carin:

There is a natural thing in the nature and

Carin:

beauty going on coming back live and be beautiful and stay beautiful in every stage of

Carin:

your life.

Carin:

As I often take pictures of flowers that are

Carin:

almost gone.

Tünde:

Yes. To have that grace that flowers have, that nature hasn't carried, it doesn't

Tünde:

matter if it's raining or hailing or the wind blows, the flower is gracefully there.

Tünde:

Yes.

Carin:

Understand the circumstances, the all sphere and the omnisphere, they relate to it

Carin:

very easily.

Carin:

And you guys, you listeners out there, we have

Carin:

been expanding today with the time and with the new language and everything, and all of

Carin:

you have really given me so much inspiration.

Carin:

So I'm thinking in a new way, and I'll try to

Carin:

put it on paper because I've got so many ideas coming up from this conversation without

Carin:

hearing you out there listening to us, but I know that you are there.

Carin:

So that's given me so much energy to try to express what I find today and give it back to

Carin:

you.

Carin:

But you need to give me some time because I'm

Carin:

busy right now.

Carin:

And Martin, we are going to sum this up and

Carin:

Tinder, you and I, we will have something interesting on the 9 November.

Carin:

Isn't it like that?

Tünde:

Yes, the 9 November is we are running a live event on the light and shadow of

Tünde:

authenticity.

Carin:

Yes.

Tünde:

So we are inviting it will be on LinkedIn, but we are going to share the link

Tünde:

to a zoom room for you.

Tünde:

And what is particular about this event is

Tünde:

that we really want to look into the depth, the entire scope, the width, the height, the

Tünde:

breadth of authenticity, but not just hailing the positive aspects of authenticity, but

Tünde:

looking into the shadow sides of it to create a more complementary image of and make it more

Tünde:

useful for people.

Tünde:

Because sometimes people are afraid of being

Tünde:

authentic because they mistake it for oh, I have to share how I'm feeling.

Tünde:

No, you don't have to.

Tünde:

So to feel more comfortable and use it in

Tünde:

their leadership and also in coaching with more how to say with greater stability and

Tünde:

confidence.

Carin:

Yes, really? For whom?

Carin:

What are the listeners who will come to this place and join us?

Tünde:

Well, ideally, if there is any such thing as ideal, as if leaders could allow

Tünde:

themselves to mingle with coaches, and if coaches could allow themselves to mingle with

Tünde:

leaders and really come without any preconceived ideas around.

Tünde:

Is this the space for me? Come and discover what is there for you in

Tünde:

that space with joy and see it as an opportunity to learn from coaches and the

Tünde:

coaches, to learn from leaders in what ways authenticity can be relevant, both from the

Tünde:

light side and the shadow side.

Carin:

And what time will it be?

Tünde:

Oh, yes, I think the timing is, but correct me if I'm wrong, it will be from 07:00

Tünde:

p.m..

Tünde:

Vienna time for 90 minutes, I think, if I'm

Tünde:

not mistaken.

Carin:

Is it at 06:00 p.m.

Carin:

Website?

Carin:

Oh, well, 06:00 p.m..

Carin:

To 730, I think.

Tünde:

Okay.

Carin:

In the evening.

Tünde:

In the evening, yes.

Carin:

And we have had one of these events, and this time we will be very more interactive

Carin:

with you guys, and we will not have so many slides and really be careful about how we have

Carin:

the moments together, don't we, Tundra?

Tünde:

Yes. So we learned from the first event, and we very much appreciate the

Tünde:

feedback and we're absolutely open to experiment.

Tünde:

Actually, this time, give the space for a conversation, create a space for some

Tünde:

conversation so that we can learn also from your needs.

Tünde:

What is it that you would need in terms of greater authenticity and how do you perceive

Tünde:

the light and the shadow side of authenticity? So that's absolutely going to be the format is

Tünde:

going to be different.

Carin:

Yes, yes.

Carin:

I wanted to bring that out.

Carin:

And Martin, what do you hear about this and what would you like to say?

Martin:

It's positive with a positive feedback loop that you got there.

Martin:

And that Podcasting 2.0 could help with that.

Martin:

And also helping coaching sway post and

Martin:

everyone individuals involved in this field.

Martin:

It could be organization, it could be leaders.

Martin:

And as Corey had been participating in podcast ICS Coach podcast.

Martin:

Yes.

Martin:

So I see opportunities there if you are

Martin:

willing, if you are brave and just do it.

Martin:

So at the ending there, and I will take a

Martin:

picture of a tea plant and try to illustrate our conversation.

Martin:

Here my own grown up tea plant that is really struggling, but it's getting there, and it's

Martin:

flowers and it's a nut and it's the leaves and it's striving for the sun and it's getting

Martin:

water and so on.

Martin:

And it's a valuable thing for me because it's

Martin:

the fruits of your labor and so on.

Martin:

And then you get the very delicious beverage.

Martin:

This one will not be so much tear.

Martin:

It's more like a beautiful thing with that

Martin:

tinder.

Martin:

We're in cyberspace, so they could continue

Martin:

the conversation.

Martin:

We will add that in the show notes.

Martin:

But do you want to at least tell one source in cyberspace where you are at.

Tünde:

Cyberspace? Oh, God, yes.

Tünde:

You will find me with Karen in her space.

Tünde:

You will find her in my space.

Tünde:

You will find me on YouTube.

Tünde:

You will find me on LinkedIn, because I also

Tünde:

like working in a focused way.

Tünde:

So I don't think that if we disperse our

Tünde:

attention, we are all over the place.

Tünde:

This is going to help anyone.

Tünde:

So I like it a focus.

Tünde:

And you will find me on LinkedIn.

Tünde:

You will find me on my website, Tinderus.com.

Tünde:

You will find me an integrative presence,

Tünde:

which is the website that is inviting both leaders and coaches to get trained to kill up

Tünde:

in their presence.

Tünde:

So that's actually what I would like people to

Tünde:

go to first.

Tünde:

Check out the integrative presence website

Tünde:

because that's what we were talking about today in the first place.

Tünde:

Presents.

Tünde:

Presence presents.

Tünde:

So if you are interested in skilling up, guys, that's the place to go.

Tünde:

And then have a conversation with me.

Tünde:

So I don't like cyberspace, I like real space.

Tünde:

Come and meet me for 30 minutes and let's talk.

Carin:

And please tune.

Carin:

I know how it is when you say this website, it

Carin:

goes fast and maybe you don't have the pen.

Carin:

So where should they meet up with you on int

Carin:

once again?

Tünde:

So they can link up on LinkedIn? Definitely.

Tünde:

Because then you can follow all my activities there.

Carin:

Yes.

Tünde:

On YouTube you will find all my video material on the website www.tinder.com.

Tünde:

You will find everything about my past, my present and my bloggings, my articles, my

Tünde:

publications, presentations, etc. And then, of course, www.integrativepresence.com.

Tünde:

You will find a way to sign up for a conversation if you want to meet up to talk

Tünde:

about presence and it's relevant for your field, beat a coach or a leader, it doesn't

Tünde:

matter.

Carin:

Yes, that's really good.

Carin:

The integrative.

Tünde:

Yes, Martin.

Tünde:

Thank you.

Carin:

So they find you and you find me at Vivierincoachbungtasia Se and on LinkedIn.

Carin:

And there will be a blog post on this as well.

Carin:

And I hope to get some nice pictures from you,

Carin:

Tinder.

Carin:

I hope to have this film from you with a

Carin:

wonderful tree together with you.

Carin:

Maybe I can have a cut from that one or a

Carin:

picture of it and of you, Martin.

Carin:

So we will close this podcast soon and I

Carin:

wonder if there is something you need to say more, something that you felt that I would

Carin:

like to say this as well.

Martin:

It's all good.

Carin:

Do you have something?

Tünde:

Yeah, you know what? It felt so good not to take myself too

Tünde:

seriously today, so being serious, but not take myself seriously today and to allow

Tünde:

myself to just be and that's what I would like to pass on to people.

Tünde:

Guys, stop taking yourself too seriously and life is going to be a lot.

Tünde:

They all will be good too, as Martin is saying.

Carin:

So hopefully that's nice.

Carin:

And as you guys who used to listen to us.

Carin:

You know that I have a travesty on the Hill Street Blues in Swedish spawn on Upper Hill

Carin:

Street and I wish to encourage all of you to get loose and have a really good time and go

Carin:

out in the world and make it a little bit more beauty.

Carin:

A little bit better and a little bit with more fun.

Tünde:

Goodbye. Goodbye.

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About the Podcast

Viktigt på Riktigt, by Carin Coach
Vad är Viktigt på Riktigt med Carin Coach
”Tillvaron tolkad genom ett sinne”

Podden är för Dig som är nyfiken på Ditt liv. Hur du upplever det nu och vad du vill göra med det.

Carin Coach (Carin H Bladh) bjuder på inspiration från sin mångåriga yrkesbana som professionell Coach, ICF Master Certified Coach, med konkreta smakprov från bland annat NLP (Neuro Lingvistisk Programmering). Starten går genom en sinnesresa – hur tolkar vi egentligen all information som sköljer över oss?

Co-host är Martin Lindeskog, nestor inom podderi och gästerna står på kö.

Med respekt för Dig, kära lyssnare och din dyrbara tid – så startar vi med avsnitt på ca 15 min.

Hoppas du vill följa oss, interagera – dela vidare till flera som vill upptäcka vad som är viktigt på riktigt i livet.

”Jingel-Jim” har skapat musiken och konstnären Klara Bladh har skapat Artwork – äppleträdet där idéerna väcktes och fortsätter att utvecklas och växa fram!

About your hosts

Martin Lindeskog

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Creator, ✍🏻 Tea Book Sketches. Indie Biz Philosopher ⚛️ & New Media 📲 Advisor, TeaParty.Media. Blogger since 2002 and podcaster🎙since 2006. First podcast: EGO NetCast. Latest podcast: High Five for Hemp. Support 💲My Work and 🗽 Freedom of Expression: https://bio.link/lyceum

Carin Hansdotter Bladh

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Carin Coach with passion for development and learning.
Her joy to share and give tools for growth. How do we learn and adapt to the situations we deal with every day?
Her experience from learning field, studies, practice and the important mix for how to take action is based on 45 years of experience. The podcast gives you a taste from what You get when You hire Carin Coach for leaders and teams.